So it has been a while since I have posted to my website... I have been a little busy growing a human!
I find it fascinating that my body has allowed me to grow a real life human and then feed it and keep it alive. Pretty incredible! My pregnancy was definitely not the easiest but I would do it again and again as the outcome is totally worth it. I also feel so lucky and grateful that I am able to grow a baby and breastfeed a baby, as not everyone is able to. So I definitely am not taking it for granted!
This post is going to be all about my pregnancy. I made notes on my phone each week of my different symptoms just so I could have something to look back on. I think it would be cool as well to compare my symptoms to any future pregnancies (definitely not happening anytime soon...).
So I found out at 5 weeks that I was pregnant. I was in Marrakech with my boyfriend, Sam. He was at the gym, I was in the hotel room. I knew that if my period did not come by the end of the trip (Wed) that I would need to take a test. Well it was Monday and I could not wait until Wednesday, so I took the test in the hotel bathroom and saw that it was positive. I had a little feeling that it was but I was still completely shocked! I could not believe it. I was terrified but so so happy as I have always dreamed of being a Mum. I told Sam when he came back to the hotel room and he was pretty shocked and terrified lol...
On the flight home from Marrakech I felt a little nauseous, and it just got worse and worse up until half way through the 2nd trimester. I flew to Italy at 10 weeks, and around USA at 13-15 weeks. I decided after the USA trip to cancel our summer trips to Mykonos, Santorini, Paris and Mexico as I could not bare the thought of flying again!!! I remember we had a layover in Austin, Texas for about 5 hours and by the third hour I was laying on the airport floor, crying and feeling like I was going to throw up. Real classy. I told Sam there was no way I was getting on the plane and I was going to stay in Texas haha he managed to persuade me to fly and I spent the flight laying on his lap feeling like I wanted to die. Dramatic but true.
I really struggled at work when it was lunch time and everyone was cooking their food in the kitchen, I could not stand being around other peoples food, and my lasagne's that I would pre cook at the start of every week just made we want to gag. So I spent quite a few lunch breaks in the Sainsbury's car park, feeling SO sick, unable to eat the croissant I would buy from the shop and I would just cry because I felt miserable.
We did not tell anyone that I was pregnant until week 11 so keeping it all to myself was pretty hard. I had really bad mood swings, more than when I'm not pregnant (I know, hard to believe..). I was also really emotional and cried at really random things. Sam thought it was hilarious and slightly annoying at the same time. It was tough because I would argue with my family and get really upset and no one knew why.
I also suffered from PGP/SPD. This changed my whole pregnancy experience. At week 8 I started to notice some pains in my hips and pelvis, and it just got worse and worse. There were a couple of weeks at the end of my 2nd trimester where the pains had reduced and I thought that it was going away, but then they came back worse than ever. It continued up until birth, and I still get random pains now, but it no where near as bad as when I was pregnant. I saw a physio which helped a little, but there wasn't anything I could do to stop it.
I had REALLY bad itching. It worse at night and I would lay in bed scratching my legs and arms, sometimes until they would bleed it was that bad. I kept getting my liver function tested because itching in pregnancy can be really bad, but it all came back fine.
Stretch marks.. after almost 25 years of never having a single stretch mark, someone decided it was time to catch up and now I have loads haha. I try not to let it bother me, obviously I am human and there are days where I hate them, but I try and remind myself why I have them, and that they are a reminder that I grew my beautiful baby girl inside my body. I heard from someone that if your mother has stretch marks then you will get them, and if she doesn't have them then you won't. So no amount of oil/cream you put on your skin will change the outcome. And I smothered myself everything night. I guess some things you have no control over!
My bump grew pretty slowly, and then ballooned in the last few weeks. My feet also ballooned and where HUGE. They were so puffy and swollen it was crazy!
I did not feel any kicks until around 6 months. My placenta was at the front which meant a lot of the movements were cushioned. We went into hospital a couple of times because I thought the movements had slowed down, but when the midwives put me on the monitor they saw the baby was moving loads, I just couldn't feel it.
It was pretty surreal feeling her kick, move and and hiccup inside of me. It made it a bit more real, but still felt very strange. There were a few times I would look down and her movements would really hurt, and I would see my whole belly moving or a body part stick out. Very weird!
Both Sam and I wanted to find out the gender, I wanted to find out in a really cool way where we popped a balloon or something together. But the day of our scan I decided I could not wait until later that evening, carrying around an envelope with the gender inside, going to buy a balloon and hoping they put the right colour in. I just wanted to know. So we found out at the scan together and it was amazing!! I was convinced it was a boy, Sam thought boy too but I think that is just because he is a guy and all guys think they are having boys lol. So I was SO shocked when the lady said girl. I was like 'excuse me? A what?!' I was absolutely over the moon. I would have been happy either way, but there is something special about having a daughter. The bond between a mother and daughter is so special and I am so happy I have a daughter.
My Mum was out on the waiting room so she and Sam switched places so she could find out the gender too. I let the lady tell my Mum and she was so delighted! Her reaction was brilliant. It is so funny seeing the differences in their reactions, not because Sam was not happy (he totally was!), but because Mum's are a bit more emotional and open with how they feel haha. And I guess my Mum knew what it was like to have daughters, so was really really happy.
We threw a gender reveal party the following weekend. Everyone made fun of us and through we were so extra but I loved that both our families got together and they all found out at the same time! (Okay, a few may have found out before the party... we just couldn't help ourselves!). The majority of our families thought boy, so they were shocked when the balloon was pink inside. Everyone was just so happy, and it was so lovely to see how much everyone already loved our baby!
To take my mind off how I was feeling mentally I decided to plan my own baby shower. It was a great distraction and gave me something to look forward to. I was not allowed to decorate on the day as my Mum wanted that bit to be a surprise. My Godmother and her daughter blew up loads of balloons so we had a photo wall. Both Sam's family and my family made delicious food, we got SO many thoughful and generous gifts, my friend Ella drove all the way to see me, my school friends made a HUGE nappy cake with loads of gifts hidden inside. We were all extremely spoiled!! It was the best day!!
Overall, my pregnancy really was not the easiest. I really wanted to work out and keep fit but my body just would not let me. My anxiety and depression was not great either, and I was so worried the whole time that I would suffer from post natal depression once the baby had arrived. I am SO happy to say that once Emilia was born, all my anxiety and depression just disappeared! I have felt nothing but happiness. She has completely changed my life and I have just loved every minute of it. Of course it hasn't been easy the whole time, but that is normal for any new parent adjusting to a huge life change and the lack of sleep. But for me, for the most part, it has been pretty great!
18 weeks pregnant - I thought I was huge... but I had to take photos at the end of the day otherwise you could barely notice a bump.
35 weeks pregnant
35 weeks pregnant